I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
