Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
