We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
