Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
