The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
