I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
