So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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