Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
