oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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