Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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