If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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