Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
that is very illegal...i love you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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