thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
