I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
a search helicopter?!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
