Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
