I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
