If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
