tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
