I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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