What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
