forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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