Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
In other news, I just burned my penis
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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