Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
then he tried to convert me to islam
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
