i would punch a child for taco bell
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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