everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
love makes seman taste better
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
