hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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