he puts the penis in happiness.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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