i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
