She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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