this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
