haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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