There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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