This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
