I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
