god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
