do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
did you just send me my own nude
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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