final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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