I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
