this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
