My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
