happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
