I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
