Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
