I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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