he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
