How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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