I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
