worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
