Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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