I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
