Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
