He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
