I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
