I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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