college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
