I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
