Farmville is her only friend.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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